How to get rid of a wart

Warts are disgusting. No doubt about it. Their root protusions are least likely to fall into the aesthetically pleasing category. A wart on your hand is gross. A wart on your foot is pretty gross too. A wart on your face, well that's just freaking hideous isn't it?

You might be wondering why am I offering advice about removing a wart? It is because like the majority of people, I unfortunately had one. As if that wasn't already disgusting enough, it was on.....my.... FACE!!!  Before you start thinking that I'm one Dirty Ho (I demand you take that thought back right now!!), I'll have you know that the HPV is very common and sits dormant in many people. If you did not have a wart as a child, well then you my dear are part of the minority.

Now, all I want to do is share my story..... 

To the people who know me in real life: Don't think that I wasn't aware you were looking at my right cheek wondering wtf was up with that flesh-coloured lump which seemed to have magically appeared overnight. I could see your eyes darting to the conspicuous growth.  Most of you were too polite to ask what it was, preferring to avoid possibly embarrassing me.  However, some of you did not give a shit and were brazen enough to ask "What's that on your face?".  The best one was "What are you harvesting there?"  Mooey endearingly so, bestowed upon me the moniker "Witchy-Poos". 

The offending bump (I dare you to click on the photo for a clearer view) - forever immortalised in Lymbo's wedding photos.  No, that's not an photographic artefact on my right cheek, that's a side-profile destroyer!  Not to mention a self-esteem destroyer too!




I guess I should be appreciative that it was a flat wart as opposed to the those rooty ones (ew), but still, this does not belong on my face!!  I'm an advocate for modern medicine but I'm not an advocate for shitty locum GPs who do two minute consults.  I sought the early opinion of a GP when the lump resembled a barely noticeable fleshy skin tag but was assured 'It was nothing'.  So I was downright annoyed when three months after that consult,the wart grew to 5mm in diameter within a period of 2-3 days.  That might not sound huge, but you don't realise how smooth your facial skin is until you grow an unsightly bump on it!  I initially thought the rapid growth signified something more sinister but I saw another GP who confirmed my initial diagnosis. He declined offering me cryotherapy in case it scarred.  He suspected that any other sensible doctor would be of the same opinion.  So what happens when a GP offers you nothing?  You treat it yourself!

I started with the conventional OTC treatments and ignored their 'Do not use on face' warnings.  I didn't care, I was ready for a small scar.  Topical salicyclic acid - faithfully applied according to the instructions for two months whilst I tolerated the shiny, superglue patch it left on my cheek.  It hardened the wart and made it easier to file down with a pumice stone but once left alone, the wart just eventually reconstituted itself like a packet of instant mash potato.  Wart stickers - applied nightly and removed in the morning.  I really didn't want a sticker on my face during the day.  All that did was leave a white residue on the wart which was difficult to remove at times.  Sometimes I couldn't be bothered scrubbing so hard and I would just go to work with a sticky, white patch on my face.  I didn't notice any significant difference in size.  Home cryotherapy kits - 'Surely', I thought, 'This will kill it!!'  What a waste of money.  A single application, my ass.  It turned the wart white (as it said it would) but after 14 days, it sure didn't fall off as it promised!  Repeated application within the 14 day period (a big no-no on the instructions) didn't help either.  The GP had suggest duct tape occlusion but I couldn't be bothered going to a hardware store for something that might not work.

I had pretty much given up hope and resigned to the fact that it would just disappear by itself... eventually.  This could take anything from 6 months to 2 years!  But then, I came across this video.

Apple cider vinegar?  My initial thought was 'What is that?  How does that differ to normal vinegar?'  I had my doubts.  The pH was similar to that of salicylic acid - how could it be any more effective?  After reading people's testimonies, recounting how their wart 'fell off in just 10 days', I figured I had nothing to lose and bought my £1.50 bottle of apple cider vinegar.  I suspect that normal white vinegar will do the job just as well, but I'm a stickler for instructions.  Maybe it's the apple that works just that much better?

After following the instructions from the video (slightly modified for the fact that I could not keep a band-aid on my face for 24 hours), I noticed a definite change.  After 3.5 weeks, I'm happy to report, my wart is gone!  Even better yet, there is no scar! :D

Ok, so I am wearing make-up but look!  My right cheek is clear of warties! 

The general instructions involved dipping a cotton bud/ball and placing it on the wart.  The cotton ball was then held in place by a band-aid and kept on overnight.  Some people kept theirs on for 24 hours.  Upon removing the band-aid in the morning, clear nail polish was applied and then at night, the dried nail polish layer was removed and the vinegar-soaked bud and band-aid goes on the wart again.  The cycle continues for about 3 days after which your wart should begin turning black.  It should fall or peel off easily after 7-10 days.

Mine didn't go quite as smoothly as that.  You have to be prepared that the wart WILL initially increase in size after the first application.  It turns white and fluffy after it absorbs the vinegar for the first time.   It does sting a little bit, but I have a high pain threshold.  I started applying Vaseline on the surrounding healthy skin after my initial application because it burned my healthy skin down to the capillary level and caused a small scab!  My wart did not turn entirely black but I did get a few small black spots.  After a few days, small pieces of dead, white wart could be peeled off and eventually I could peel off enough layers to be left wart-free :D  Let's hope it stays that way!

I thought maybe the vinegar stimulated an autoimmune response and promoted rapid epithelial cell renewal.  But really, I don't think the process is anything that complicated.  All it basically did was burn my wart down to the normal, healthy skin level.  Yay for acid!  When all else fails, don't knock alternative therapies!