Naked for Satan

Before even venturing to the Basque Country, I had wanted to try out Naked for Satan.  

Before I had any idea what pintxos were, I'd heard that Naked for Satan had Spanish nibbles and I was keen to inspect this strange bar food they called 'pintxos'.  

It's a very nice space inside and it oozes urban, Fitzroy coolness.  You can read all about the history and how the bar got it's peculiar name on the website.  

Yeah - I am a cool looking bar.

The food is set out on the counter much like in San Sebastian and Bilbao.  The only difference here is that hygiene practices are observed and you gotta use tongs.  

Like in the Basque region, the honour system is place (bring your toothpicks to the counter) and this brave, new concept is partly responsible for drawing in the crowds.  The price of each pintxo, $2, is another reason.  The third reason is the food, but I'll get back to that later.

During happy hour times (see the website for details), the pintxos are reduced to 80 cents each.  80 cents?!?!  How long can you run this for?  They do make it very clear on menus placed on tables that they are just a bar and not a restaurant and urge you to order a drink with your food as that is their main source of income.  Fair enough I say and people should respect the owners and pay their dues.  

Spu and I did what was asked and ordered drinks.  What I really wanted was a kalimotxo but I couldn't see it on the menu.  It's not a hard thing to make (coke and red wine) so I thought I'd ask if they do it.  'Do you serve kalimotxo?'  The barman looked at me quizzically like as though I just made up an imaginary word.  I was hoping that the barman (possible owner?) might have been to the Basque Country and may have known what I was referring to but alas he didn't.  That's fine.  When I told him what it was, I was hoping he'd offer to make it up for me, but he didn't.  Oh well.  Cranberry juice it is then.  

Now onto the food.  Spu and I grabbed a plate each and this is what we got: 

Various pintxos, mostly on bread.  Various spreads with toothpicks holding extra toppings on it.  The baguettes were very... Vietnamese. 

More breaded pintxos.  Every so often a waitress would walk out and offer you a tray of hot pintxos and we had a few of those too.  Nearly everything is on baguette slice.  Ok, I understand how they can charge 80 cents.  

Initially it seems to be much like what I ate in San Sebbie and Bilbao, however on closer inspection, many items resembled nothing of what I encountered in SS an Bilbao.  That is not a bad thing.  Taking a country's cuisine and making it your own - a la poison pork rolls - often surpasses the original.  In this case, I don't feel that was the situation.  I'm not saying the food was terrible, it just was a poor man's pintxos.  Basically, they've tried to replicate the great pintxos bars in Spain and have come up sub-par.  

My biggest criticism is the use of 'jamon'.  You can't just slap a piece of cured ham to bread and call it 'jamon'.  That is sacrilege.  Most, if not all of that cured meat was definitely Italian prosciutto.  It was just too salty to be jamon, lacked the jamon aroma that fills your mouth and more pointedly looked exactly like prosciutto I've bought from the supermarket!   Hence, the flavour was all WRONG.  I also had an arancini ball (what's that in Spanish) which was served cold.  Err, shouldn't it be hot?  On top of that, it was dry, tasteless and I had to spit it out.  

I think people have been blinded by the 'wacky' concept and cheap food (and maybe too by the alcohol) that they overlook what they are eating.  The food could stand to be a bit better and I'm not saying that just because I've eaten in the heart of Pintxos-land.  It actually wasn't... that... great.  Yes, Naked for Satan is technically a bar and you could argue that the pintxos are an added bonus but they certainly have no pulling power over me.  Ok, fine, maybe I am being a food-snob.  I know I sound overall a bit cynical about it, but I must applaud Naked for Satan for putting pintxos on the Melbourne map.  I would go back for a drink but my only suggestion would be to add kalimotxo the menu!