How to get rid of a wart

Warts are disgusting. No doubt about it. Their root protusions are least likely to fall into the aesthetically pleasing category. A wart on your hand is gross. A wart on your foot is pretty gross too. A wart on your face, well that's just freaking hideous isn't it?

You might be wondering why am I offering advice about removing a wart? It is because like the majority of people, I unfortunately had one. As if that wasn't already disgusting enough, it was on.....my.... FACE!!!  Before you start thinking that I'm one Dirty Ho (I demand you take that thought back right now!!), I'll have you know that the HPV is very common and sits dormant in many people. If you did not have a wart as a child, well then you my dear are part of the minority.

Now, all I want to do is share my story..... 

To the people who know me in real life: Don't think that I wasn't aware you were looking at my right cheek wondering wtf was up with that flesh-coloured lump which seemed to have magically appeared overnight. I could see your eyes darting to the conspicuous growth.  Most of you were too polite to ask what it was, preferring to avoid possibly embarrassing me.  However, some of you did not give a shit and were brazen enough to ask "What's that on your face?".  The best one was "What are you harvesting there?"  Mooey endearingly so, bestowed upon me the moniker "Witchy-Poos". 

The offending bump (I dare you to click on the photo for a clearer view) - forever immortalised in Lymbo's wedding photos.  No, that's not an photographic artefact on my right cheek, that's a side-profile destroyer!  Not to mention a self-esteem destroyer too!




I guess I should be appreciative that it was a flat wart as opposed to the those rooty ones (ew), but still, this does not belong on my face!!  I'm an advocate for modern medicine but I'm not an advocate for shitty locum GPs who do two minute consults.  I sought the early opinion of a GP when the lump resembled a barely noticeable fleshy skin tag but was assured 'It was nothing'.  So I was downright annoyed when three months after that consult,the wart grew to 5mm in diameter within a period of 2-3 days.  That might not sound huge, but you don't realise how smooth your facial skin is until you grow an unsightly bump on it!  I initially thought the rapid growth signified something more sinister but I saw another GP who confirmed my initial diagnosis. He declined offering me cryotherapy in case it scarred.  He suspected that any other sensible doctor would be of the same opinion.  So what happens when a GP offers you nothing?  You treat it yourself!

I started with the conventional OTC treatments and ignored their 'Do not use on face' warnings.  I didn't care, I was ready for a small scar.  Topical salicyclic acid - faithfully applied according to the instructions for two months whilst I tolerated the shiny, superglue patch it left on my cheek.  It hardened the wart and made it easier to file down with a pumice stone but once left alone, the wart just eventually reconstituted itself like a packet of instant mash potato.  Wart stickers - applied nightly and removed in the morning.  I really didn't want a sticker on my face during the day.  All that did was leave a white residue on the wart which was difficult to remove at times.  Sometimes I couldn't be bothered scrubbing so hard and I would just go to work with a sticky, white patch on my face.  I didn't notice any significant difference in size.  Home cryotherapy kits - 'Surely', I thought, 'This will kill it!!'  What a waste of money.  A single application, my ass.  It turned the wart white (as it said it would) but after 14 days, it sure didn't fall off as it promised!  Repeated application within the 14 day period (a big no-no on the instructions) didn't help either.  The GP had suggest duct tape occlusion but I couldn't be bothered going to a hardware store for something that might not work.

I had pretty much given up hope and resigned to the fact that it would just disappear by itself... eventually.  This could take anything from 6 months to 2 years!  But then, I came across this video.

Apple cider vinegar?  My initial thought was 'What is that?  How does that differ to normal vinegar?'  I had my doubts.  The pH was similar to that of salicylic acid - how could it be any more effective?  After reading people's testimonies, recounting how their wart 'fell off in just 10 days', I figured I had nothing to lose and bought my £1.50 bottle of apple cider vinegar.  I suspect that normal white vinegar will do the job just as well, but I'm a stickler for instructions.  Maybe it's the apple that works just that much better?

After following the instructions from the video (slightly modified for the fact that I could not keep a band-aid on my face for 24 hours), I noticed a definite change.  After 3.5 weeks, I'm happy to report, my wart is gone!  Even better yet, there is no scar! :D

Ok, so I am wearing make-up but look!  My right cheek is clear of warties! 

The general instructions involved dipping a cotton bud/ball and placing it on the wart.  The cotton ball was then held in place by a band-aid and kept on overnight.  Some people kept theirs on for 24 hours.  Upon removing the band-aid in the morning, clear nail polish was applied and then at night, the dried nail polish layer was removed and the vinegar-soaked bud and band-aid goes on the wart again.  The cycle continues for about 3 days after which your wart should begin turning black.  It should fall or peel off easily after 7-10 days.

Mine didn't go quite as smoothly as that.  You have to be prepared that the wart WILL initially increase in size after the first application.  It turns white and fluffy after it absorbs the vinegar for the first time.   It does sting a little bit, but I have a high pain threshold.  I started applying Vaseline on the surrounding healthy skin after my initial application because it burned my healthy skin down to the capillary level and caused a small scab!  My wart did not turn entirely black but I did get a few small black spots.  After a few days, small pieces of dead, white wart could be peeled off and eventually I could peel off enough layers to be left wart-free :D  Let's hope it stays that way!

I thought maybe the vinegar stimulated an autoimmune response and promoted rapid epithelial cell renewal.  But really, I don't think the process is anything that complicated.  All it basically did was burn my wart down to the normal, healthy skin level.  Yay for acid!  When all else fails, don't knock alternative therapies!

Leeds Castle

With Smee having missed the fun that was Go Ape, we had a spare day's car rental on our hands.  A few options were laid out on the table..... should we use it to stock up on groceries, should we explore restaurants/neighbourhoods/landmarks in outer London or should we just cancel the whole thing and forfeit our booking fee (no, thanks!).  In the end, Smee and I settled on visiting Leeds Castle which incidentally is nowhere near Leeds (the city) but rather in the nearby county of Kent. 

JT had told us all about the joy she had at the castle and better yet, she lent me her annual pass!  Woo hoo!  At £16.50 per adult entry in to the grounds and park, they better well be giving out an annual pass.  (Anyone wishing to borrow mine in the future, just give me a yell.) 

The first thing Smee and I noticed after we parked the car was that almost everyone else had a kid in tow.  I think we spotted only two other childless couples during our entire visit.  Next time, I'll bring my rent-a-kid!

Just before entering the park, we were greeted by a most friendly peacock who was standing guard near the public toilets. The path to the castle was a perfection of green which you forget to appreciate until you return to drought-ridden Oz.  The previous owner of the castle had a fondness for birds and many were on display including these Mallard ducks. 

Smee posing with some swans.  More and more swans.  Uh-oh... a swan who looks like he's about to attack Smee from behind.

The castle's barbican and yours truly outside the castle. 

I won't bore you with pictures of the interior but I will show you this:

A bed with a high-rise canopy!  Not the first I've seen, not the last I'll be seeing but I thought it was kyoot, that's all.

Smee just enjoyed being near the birdies.

In the first photo he is thinking about roast goose.

In the second photo.... how to roast a swan. 

Here we are pretending to own the castle.

One of the cool bits on offer at Leeds Castle is the falconry show.  We saw an owl who swooped but I didn't manage any photos.  I have to say though, he was so funny looking with his frontal eyes and surprised face! *hoot hoot!*

 Here's Jack the Buzzard.  Just your everyday big ol' bird.

Here's Jack the Buzzard attacking a moving a target - not the little boy, just the little boy's fake rabbit.

Here's Darlene.  I have no idea what kind of bird she is.  But she was hilarious breaking through the crowd to get to the display area.  She walks just like how a lady should. 

Here's Darlene demonstrating how she kills potential snake predators.  She picks them up in her beak and *slams* them to the ground. You see, there's a psycho woman in all of us.

The vineyard's entrance.  Smee pretending to own the vineyard.  A pumpkin patch!

I do like hedge mazes.  Look at that silly smirk on my face.

Smee's face as he entered the maze. 









Smee's happiness after we reached the centre of the maze and entered the grotto. 

Oooooooooooooh... scary face in the wall of the grotto...

Ooooooooooooh.... scary women in the walls of the grotto.... oooooooh... this stuff would give kids nightmares!

Oh, here's another buzzard tied down to his perch just for us to peer at him.

No, these are not S&M accessories, they're displays in the Dog Collar Museum.  The spiky ones were used to protect dogs from wolf attacks. 

Oh and another thing at Leeds Castle?  They have a Go Ape course!  Hmmmm *ponders about going back soon*.

Adieu Paris!

Our final day in Paris began with a croissant from the local boulangerie/patisserie.

Mmmm... light, crispy, buttery goodness.  No, the boulangerie wasn't anywhere near this metro station, but I just wanted to French-ify the photo.

Fen-fen had to fulfil her dream of purchasing something from Louis Vuitton from the seven level flagship store on the Champs Elysees.  I bought something too - a book!

Yes, I bought a book from Louis Vuitton *rolls eyes*  It wasn't even about LV, it was about cakes. 

Next on the list was the Notre Dame. 

The intricate archway door.  A confession booth - made of glass.  Behind the Notre Dame.

We headed further south of the Seine towards the Pantheon, passing through Rue Dante which incidentally had a lot of manga/comic stores. 

Oh look, it's Kahoons dancing with Snowy.  Yep, if you can read that clearly, that small figurine costs €285.  Snowy with a bone.  Just a side fact - I've never read a Tin-Tin comic in my life. 

Finally we reach the Pantheon. But not after we walked past the University of Paris where the guard gave us a wink. 

Not so far away were the Luxembourg Gardens.

It was a  well-manicured public space (as you'd expect in Paris), full of non-working Parisians (don't these people have jobs?) lounging around in the provided reclining deckchairs.  Aaaah, such the life.  Can I join in?

Needing my crepe fix for the day, we sat down at the park's cafe. 

Today I decided on the heavy stuff - crepes au Grand Marnier.  He then proceeded to flambé my crepe.  *thumbs up*  Wooh!

We then found another creperie in the park - you know, cos they're just everywhere.

A local enjoying her day out.

Me joining in with the locals. The provided chairs recline at such a comfortable angle.  Foot stools are provided too!  How can you not have a sleepy-time at the park?

Fen-Fen found the largest Nutella tub to date..... at yet another creperie in the park.  All hail Nutella!

Now this is where I have to tell my sob story.  My first encounter with Sadaharu Aoki was when Kahoons brought back some macarons in the most exquisite flavours which exemplified the beauties of French-Japanese food fusion.  After doing some more research and crying tears of joy when I saw this blog, I put the patisserie down on my to-do list.  Their rue de Vaugirard branch was a short walk from the gardens and my excitement grew as I approached the store's sign.

But... when we arrived at the doorstep, to my horror, the patisserie was closed!  I had not been able to find the official website prior to our trip and banked on the blog which didn't indicate that it was closed on Mondays!  I ran into the convenience store next door and nearly burst into tears as I blurted out my "Excusez-moi, parlez-vous Anglais?" to which the young check-out chick indicated 'a little bit'.  I think I then spoke too quickly but she got the gist of it and confirmed it is indeed on closed on Mondays.  *sob sob*  I calculated in my head that we didn't have time to risk going to the Les Gobelins branch especially if it was also shut on Mondays and the distance was too great to head to Galeries Lafayette for what were essentially.... some snacks.  I vow to return to Paris and conquer thee!!

Upset at not having the chance to indulge in eclairs, macarons and other Japanese-French treats, I had to go and photograph just the 'normal' French stuff.  Oh I really shouldn't complain - these are yummy too!

Having yet to eat a proper lunch, we headed to the Viet/Chinese area for some pho.  Again I was disappointed as we searched for Le Bambou only to find it shut on Mondays!  What's with that?  Hungry and still a bit upset, we just went to the nearest open Viet restaurant.

Well at least they served the pho with my favourite pickled onions.  The pho itself was so-so, not bad-bad but if I had a choice I wouldn't eat there again.  Lunch was topped off with a Three Colour drink.

Returning to the hotel to collect our luggage, we stopped by the local patisserie to bring some sweets back to London.  Again, the journey to Gare du Nord was just as quick as when we arrived and we were ready to board after a 10 minute metro ride.

Two giant macarons and two strawberry tarts thanks!  The strawberry tart had it a little bit rough in the overhead shelf.

Bubbai Paris!

Smee anticipating our late journey back to London cooked us up some assam laksa and for that, he was rewarded a strawberry tart. 

Now, when shall I my next return to Paris be? 

Paris, Je T'aime .... *happy sigh*

With showers predicted for today, we decided indoor activities were our best bet.  We awoke to a hazy, cloudy sky but the worst part was that we rose one hour later than intended because Fen-Fen and I both forgot to adjust our alarms for Paris time!  Doh! *slaps forehead*  Now we would have to battle the queue at the Louvre!

Despite being somewhat behind with our intended schedule, it didn't deter us from grabbing breakfast at the nearby crepe cart.  Mmmmm... num nums.  After reviewing the menu and eyeing  the large tub of nutella, we opted for the most sensible, less dessert-y option and ordered the more breakfast-appropriate jambon et fromage crepe.  Mmmmm.... warm melted cheese and ham... all wrapped up in a crepe freshly made before our hungry eyes. 

Fen-fen and her creperie goodness. 

We still had time for a cheesy photo.  The Queen of Cheese!  Look, look! I'm touching the top of the Louvre pyramid! 

The Louvre is well... the Louvre.  A huge museum which you could easily spend a day, if it all hasn't become too much for you by the three hour mark.  If that's the case, you start not appreciating the works and best be off getting out of there. 

We walked past the Virgin on the Rocks which I noticed hardly any tourists bother to stop for, preferring to cram themselves into the room displaying the Mona Lisa.  Even though I've seen it before, I couldn't help my lame tourist urges and eventually pushed my way to the front.  Hey, I had to help Fen-Fen get there too!

The crowd at the Venus de Milo.  I wish she never lost her arms :(

We somehow ended up in the African/Oceanic art display and I saw a most cool porcupine and found my long lost Moai brother.

Fen-Fen enjoying the excess and luxury that is within the walls of Napoleon's apartment. 

Psyche and Cupid and hmmm a scary sculpture of some knight's tomb.

We finished up at the Louvre and ventured outdoors.  Paris must love me long time because it hadn't rained at all and in fact she ruvs me so much, she decided to bring out the sun and glorious blue skies :D  So off we headed to Montmartre, famous for the Sacré Cœur,

Lunch for the day (ok it was intended as just a snack) was crepe no. 2. I succumbed to my yearnings and got my nutella crepe fix.

Enjoying my crepe while the Sacré Cœur Basilica watches over me.  Yes, yes indeed - I am in Paris! 

Here I am being cheesy near one of the water fountains under the basilica.  We arrived in time for some live French comedy and the crowd were beginning to nestle in to their grass patches.

The worst street buskers I have ever seen.  They gave the impression they would perform some good break dancing when in fact they were just masters of bad and boring dancing.

Oh, this guy was much better.  Balancing a spinning soccer ball while atop a lamp post.

After viewing the inside of the Sacré Cœur, we made our way behind to the artists area, Place du Tetre.  

Hmmm which piece shall I buy?

An artist.....                                                            ...another artist....

.... yet another artist... Can't... stop... taking... photos!!

Fen-fen and I in our exploration, wandered through some back streets.  We were so pleased with ourselves for finding these two buskers entertaining the small crowd with their accordion and violin. 

*sigh*  So Parisian... so relaxing to listen to while sitting under our shady tree.  *sigh* So Amelie-esque...

The heat just begged, begged, BEGGED me to buy an ice-cream.  Ok, it didn't really beg me that much.  But how could I bypass canteloupe flavoured soft serve?  Yummy!

The crowd for the live French stand-up comedy seemed to have multiplied by the time we left Montmartre.  Off we headed for the red-light district.

Tick!  I can now take the Moulin Rouge off my list.  We considered watching a show but decided we didn't care enough to blow more than €100. 

Our next hardcore tourist destination was the Arc de Triomphe. 

Yes, Tutankhamun lives nearby....

The same deal we got yesterday at Versailles applied today at the Arc de Triomphe today - free entry!  Yay for the Europeans celebrating..... something! 

We climbed the steps and enjoyed the view.  It was a bit hazy but I'm not complaining.

I see Fen-Fen is challenging me for the Queen of Cheesy Tourist Photos!

It was dinner time when we finally descended and although we should have steered clear of eating on the touristy Champs Elysees, it was by far the most convenient option.  So what did we eat?  Belgian food of course!  *looks side to side*  We chowed down at Leons, the French branch of the restaurant that Smee and I ate at while in Brussels.

I had a hankering for mussels while Fen-Fen had the carbonnade.  My mussels were small by Aussie standards - it seems the Europeans don't really do big mussels.  Dessert was pineapple (I really needed fruit) and Fen-Fen wanted a beer!  We then happily sent our tummies back to the hotel for a well-earned rest in preparation for our final day in Paris.